(there's electional validity. it totally counts as an astrology-related post! okay, fine, it has to be nerdcore related? okay, okay...the imminent mars retrograde in virgo is like...umm...)
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It's like The Gang on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. They have all this creative juice, but their application of it is always destructive, usually self-destructive, (negative tendencies of Mars,) usually involving substance abuse, and serve only to appropriately malign them further in the public eye (negative tendencies of Virgo.)
Much like a retrograde Mars, the tragedy is that their impulse to problem-solve and separate from unhealthy influence (Mars) is usually a very detailed and intricate scheme (Virgo,) indicating that the elements are present for a healthy planet-in-sign function. However, though incredibly detailed, the details of their plots and the values which inform them are usually so warped and demented (retrograde) that they cause the problem-solving energies to misfire and rebound back at the Gang destructively, or else destroy a completely undeserving target (like the very Virgoic "Ricketty Cricket" character, who carries the Virgo hallmarks of religious influence and crippling disability.)
In fact, all the members of the Gang carry some Virgoic qualities...all of their schemes aim for some low, Earth-based end (sex or money, usually.) Virgo is the sign of Mutable Earth, meaning that is seeks to take that which is Earthen (money, valuables, physical form,) and reshape it into something of greater value. Being ruled by the functions of Mercury, Virgo is the most detail-oriented sign, and have a particular sight for weaknesses in structural integrity. When Mars in applied to this filter, it will either seek to strengthen those cracks and make the structure more durable and valuable, or it will seek to exploit those weaknesses in structure and cause the whole of it to crumble. Being that Mars usually represents warriors, an example of a Virgoic fighter would be someone who exploits joint-locks (as in Chin-Na, Aikido, Brazilian Jiujutsu, and related styles,) or any fighter who strikes specific vital points.
Virgo professions tend to revolve around service to others, mostly because their eye for detail and improvement of structures can easily be applied to the medical field (doctors and dentists make people "more valuable" by making sure they function correctly,) any sort of craftsmanship or handy-man job, and even to servers and bartenders, who go and fetch something that will "fix you up," either by filling your belly with sustenance or by filling your liver with poison and making your day more bearable. Virgos tend to self-prescribe due to this line of thought, that ingestion of a particular substance is just the thing they need to function properly. Sometimes they're right, but often this also leads to addictive behavior and substance abuse.
Virgo is also associated with Hephaestus, who is the handyman of Olympus. Much like Hephaestus, Virgos usually know how to make or do a bunch of great, technically-complex things that everyone needs. They tend to be taken for granted in spite of this, and are unpopular with the rest of the pack because they're "that weirdo who spends all day in the shop, working on their nerdy inventions that we desperately need.") Also like Hephaestus, who was lame in one leg, Virgos often carry some disability. Whether it be physical, cognitive, or addiction-based/behavioral, there seems to be one little imperfection in their character that they cannot seem to smooth out, and they usually make the problem worse by obsessing over it.
Dennis and Mac are obsessed with physical appearance, fitness, and generally attractiveness in an unhealthy way - Dennis, to the point of personal malnourishment and sociopathic approaches to romantic manipulation, and Mac, to the point where he developed an eating addiction, gaining 50 lbs and a large pot-belly under the pretense that he has "gained mass." Charlie, meanwhile, is an ACTUAL handyman (though the only thing that falls within "Charlie Work" that he actually seems to be good at is rat-killing,) possesses a severe and crippling learning disability, and regularly takes partakes of inhalants.
These are unhealthy Virgoic tendencies. And given that they are all relatively young men, or were at the beginning of the show's inception, this makes them resonant with Mars. (...though if we were to really dice this out, I'd probably assign Dennis "Day Man" to the Sun, Mac "Night Man" to the Moon, and Charlie "Wildcard, bitches!" to Mercury.)
Although Sweet Dee and Frank don't fall into the "young man" Mars mold, it's worth noting that the two of them are the ones who usually have to work harder to get in on whatever the scheme is...the current is Martial, and they want in, despite the fact that they're the Venus and Jupiter of the group, respectively. But they are both extremely Virgoic. Dee rivals Dennis in overall shallowness, once shared an addiction to crack-cocaine with him, and used to be known as "The Aluminum Monster"due to the embarrassing back-brace she had to wear to correct her spinal alignment during high school. Frank, meanwhile, is an ex-businessman who is obsessed with prostitutes.
It is also worth noting that all of these characters now work in a seedy dive bar (low Earth) where they are servers. As stated, they have all had/have serious substance abuse issues in the past.
Perhaps most notable is the very specific title they carry, "The Gang." It seems good-natured enough, but also carries an implication of violence and thuggery. There was a familial current present somewhere at the beginning - Frank was introduced as Dennis & Dee's father, but it was revealed that he is not actually their blood relative, and they have treated him accordingly ever since...it was later revealed that Frank IS Charlie's biological father, but they are more buddies than anything. But this idea of family, and really even of friendships has been obliterated again and again throughout the course of the show's run. These are five people (five is the number of Mars in Qabbalistic thought, and it is the fifth classical planet of astrology,) who are drawn together by their similar destructive impulses. Their lives would probably be better if they all got the hell away from each other, but their perspectives are so warped that they have no idea how to sever themselves from unhealthy influence.
And that's a symptom of a malfunctioning Mars. Something to be aware of in the upcoming retrograde, which begins today. Laugh at The Gang, but don't be like The Gang!
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